On Trauma
I was talking to someone about plurality stuff recently, and I realized that something I take for granted is not obvious if you’re not adjacent to those communities. So for the sake of letting you know where it’s safe to get your information from:
Never let anyone tell you that trauma is a categorical requirement for plurality.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s really common. It’s quite likely that any given system split due to some amount of trauma. The “systems without trauma are invalid/faking it” narrative still fucking sucks.
It’s actually a really really good metaphor to think of this the same way you’d react to someone saying that dysphoria is a categorical requirement for being transgender. Yeah, it’s really common. Saying you need it is truscum shit. The metaphor goes deeper: Not only is it not true, but even if it was true, trying to police it the way people do is actively harmful.
I, a trans woman, experience dysphoria. But when I was brand new to being trans, I’d have told you I didn’t. I had feelings about myself that genuinely didn’t feel like they were connected to any gender-adjacent stuff. It was only with time and processing who I really was that I was able to finally understand how deeply those feelings were rooted, and what they were rooted in. If I had been told and believed that dysphoria was necessary, and I had given up, I’d never have realized I had it.
Similarly, if someone’s got trauma that their brain is processing by going “wake up babe, new person just dropped”, that’s… kind of a big deal. That’s a pretty extreme reaction. Their brain is handling it the way it has to handle it. And you know what’s shared by a lot of trauma severe enough to necessitate that kind of reaction?
Not realizing it’s happening.
If someone’s plural, and new to it, and says they don’t have trauma, who the fuck are you to force them to interrogate that? Like even if you personally think it’s a requirement for plurality (which is still wrong btw), there’s a very real chance that you’re going to dig up some shit that they’re not ready to handle. Their brain is currently trying to figure that out! Let them deal with it the way they have to!
The last thing I want to say here is to not feel bad if this is rhetoric you’ve seen and believed, it’s unfortunately pretty common out there. I’m not going to be upset with people who are misinformed if they’re still trying to learn. But I will say that it’s a good reminder to ask yourself if you’re defining anyone else by their suffering, and if there’s not a better way.